I don't babysit. Here's why that makes me a better coach.
Brady Volmering has worked with professional athletes for years. And somewhere along the way, he made a decision that most coaches would find counterintuitive:
He stopped trying to convince people.
"I don't view myself as a babysitter. Straight up. For me, it's like—I'm not going to sit here and hold your hand. I don't want to do that. If that's what you need, then go somewhere else."
Harsh? Maybe. But his clients get better. And there's a reason.
The Convincing Trap
Most coaches, trainers, and leaders fall into the same pattern:
Client doesn't do the work → Coach tries harder to motivate them → Client still doesn't do the work → Coach tries even harder → Everyone is exhausted → Nobody wins.
Brady saw the trap clearly:
"If I try to convince somebody to do something, at some point, if they don't make the decision themselves to do it, they're not going to put their effort behind it."
Think about that. Have you ever been truly committed to something someone else convinced you to do? Or did real commitment only come when YOU decided?
The convincing game is lose-lose. The coach wastes energy on someone who isn't ready. The client gets temporary motivation that fades, reinforcing their belief that they "can't stick with things."
The Alternative: Embody, Don't Sell
So what does Brady do instead?
"What works best for myself personally and for the business it seems is to put my energy towards doing what it is that I know I need to do, and then it will resonate with the people that it resonates with."
Read that again. His strategy isn't marketing tricks or motivational speeches. It's being the example.
He trains hard. He pushes his own limits. He lives the principles he teaches. And then—without convincing anyone—the right people show up.
"I'm not going to try to convince you to do it if you don't want to do it. If you don't want to do it, that's fine. I don't need you to do it."
That's not apathy. That's clarity about where energy should go.
The Self-First Philosophy
Here's the counterintuitive piece: Brady believes focusing on himself first makes him a better coach.
"I first need to keep myself accountable. And that is what I put the majority of my attention on. And I think it's my responsibility to show what a person can do, to then allow others to see that."
He's not saying clients don't matter. He's saying he can't pour from an empty cup—and more importantly, he can't ask clients to do things he won't do himself.
When he asks someone to hold a five-minute slow-lower push-up, they know he's done it. When he asks someone to train through discomfort, they know he's trained through discomfort.
The credibility isn't claimed. It's demonstrated.
Why This Actually Works
There's a psychological reason Brady's approach produces results:
Self-determination matters.
People who are dragged to success don't stay successful. People who walk there themselves, who make the choice independently, who show up because they want to—those are the ones who sustain it.
By refusing to hand-hold, Brady filters for people who are ready. And readiness isn't something you can create from the outside.
"I'm assuming that you're coming in ready to go and we're gonna get to work. And that's just the kind of culture that I wanna have."
The assumption changes everything. Clients show up differently when they know no one is going to chase them. They either rise to the expectation or self-select out.
Both outcomes are fine. Neither wastes anyone's time.
The Respect Component
There's another layer here: respect.
"I'll help you if you want that but you're not sure how to get there—I can help you with that. I'm willing to do that."
He's not abandoning clients. He's treating them like capable adults who can decide for themselves.
The hand-holding approach is actually kind of insulting when you think about it. It assumes the client needs constant supervision, constant motivation, constant reminders. It treats them like they can't be trusted to follow through.
Brady's approach assumes competence. It says: I respect you enough to believe you'll do this if you actually want it.
That belief often becomes self-fulfilling.
How to Apply This
Whether you're a coach, a manager, a parent, or just trying to help someone in your life:
1. Stop Convincing, Start Demonstrating
Your example is your most powerful tool. Do the thing you're asking others to do. Let them see it's possible.
2. Let People Self-Select
Not everyone is ready. That's okay. The ones who aren't ready will struggle no matter how much you hand-hold. The ones who are ready will thrive with minimal intervention.
3. Assume Competence
When you assume someone needs to be managed, you communicate that belief. They internalize it. They become managed.
When you assume someone is capable and committed, you communicate that instead. They often rise to it.
4. Protect Your Energy
You can't help everyone. The energy you spend convincing someone who isn't ready is energy you can't spend on yourself or on clients who ARE ready.
The Question
Where in your life are you playing babysitter?
Where are you expending energy trying to convince someone who hasn't decided for themselves?
What would happen if you redirected that energy into your own growth, trusted that the right people would find their way, and stopped chasing anyone who wasn't already running?
Maybe they'd step up.
Maybe they'd leave.
Either way, you'd stop being exhausted.
Brady Volmering runs DAC Performance and Health. He doesn't babysit—but if you're ready to work, he'll help you get where you're going.
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