Every time you say "I should," you're choosing to stay stuck.
Not dramatically. Not obviously. But surely.
Brady Volmering caught himself doing this years ago and made a change that sounds small but shifted everything.
"If I find myself saying I need to do this or I should do this, I know I've somewhat trained myself—sometimes I'm better at catching myself than others—but I train myself to recognize that. Instead of verbally saying it, I'll just stop myself and be like, no, I need to do it right now."
That's the whole practice. Catch the "should." Kill it. Act.
The Problem with "Should"
Here's what "I should go to the gym" actually means: I'm not going to the gym.
Here's what "I should eat better" actually means: I'm going to eat the same way tomorrow.
Here's what "I should reach out to that person" actually means: I'm going to keep thinking about it without doing it.
"If I'm saying I should do something, that is basically me admitting or me being okay with this thing that I should have done that is not done."
"Should" isn't a commitment. It's a pressure release valve.
You feel the tension of something undone. You acknowledge it by saying "I should." The acknowledgment temporarily relieves the tension. You move on, feeling like you did something.
But you didn't do anything. You just performed caring about it.
Language Creates Reality
This isn't woo-woo mindset stuff. It's mechanics.
"Language and words are a large part of how we communicate our reality to whoever it is that we're talking to. And so literally what comes out of your mouth is the way that you actually think."
You don't speak one way and think another. The words you use ARE the thoughts you have.
If you constantly say "I should work out more," you're constantly reinforcing the identity of someone who doesn't work out enough. You're literally practicing being that person.
"As long as I keep saying that, I am continuing to put myself, I'm literally creating the reality for myself that I should do it and that I'm not doing it."
You're not lazy. You're not weak. You're just running a bad pattern—and you're running it every single time you say the word.
The Immediate Fix
Brady's solution is aggressive and effective:
"I've trained myself to be like, if I'm going to say I should, I just be like, nope, stop. That goes away, and I'm going to go do that right now so I don't have to say I should anymore."
No negotiation. No "I'll do it later." No adding it to a list.
The moment "should" hits your tongue, you have two options:
- Do it right now
- Decide you're not going to do it
There is no third option. There is no "I should."
Either it's happening or it isn't. Either it matters enough to act on or it doesn't.
"Should" is the lie you tell yourself to avoid that clarity.
How to Actually Make This Work
Step 1: Catch the Pattern
For one day, just notice. How many times do you say:
- "I should..."
- "I need to..."
- "I have to..."
- "I ought to..."
Don't try to change anything yet. Just count. You'll be disturbed by the number.
Step 2: Create the Interrupt
Every time you catch yourself, physically stop. Brady literally pauses mid-sentence. That pause creates space for a different choice.
Step 3: Binary Decision
In that pause, force a choice:
- Yes: Do it now, or schedule a specific time
- No: Consciously decide not to do it and release the guilt
No middle ground. No "maybe later." No "when I have time."
Step 4: Track It
Notice what happens when you eliminate the middle ground. Notice how much more you actually do when "should" isn't an option.
The Deeper Truth
Here's why this matters beyond productivity:
"Pay attention to the words that I speak. Pay attention to how well I'm able to communicate. Because if I'm not, that means that I don't actually have this thing figured out for myself and I need to go to work on it."
Your language isn't just describing your reality. It's creating it.
Every "I should" is a vote for the person who doesn't do things. Every "I did" is a vote for the person who does.
Votes compound. Identity forms. Life follows.
The Question
What have you been "should-ing" about for months?
Be honest. Right now. What's the thing you've said you should do approximately 47 times without doing?
Now make the choice: Do it today, or consciously decide you're not going to do it.
Either answer is fine. But "I should" is no longer an option.
Because as long as you're should-ing, you're not doing.
And as long as you're not doing, you're not becoming.
Brady Volmering has trained himself to catch "should" before it becomes a sentence. He runs DAC Performance and Health, working with athletes who want real results, not real-sounding excuses.
Ready to stop "should-ing" and start doing? Intertwine helps you turn intentions into actions—track your commitments and build the identity of someone who follows through. Start your free 7-day trial.